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I've been living in Indonesian in West Kalimantan for the past six months or so. In that time, me and my foreigner friends have made various observations regarding the culture of sex in Indonesia. We've grown curious about this, but it's hard to reach conclusions from an outsider's perspective.
On the surface, it seems like no one has pre-marital sex, because it's so frowned upon due to the muslim culture; young people simply meet, date, and carry out a very innocent relationship, usually with the goal of getting married at a young age. I've also heard that once married, missionary is basically the only thing performed, and it's not necessarily viewed as a pleasurable experience, mostly just a dutiful experience for the purpose of having. This is at least what gets displayed on the public level. But I am left wondering if this holds true privately as well: as foreigners, we lack insight into the private lives of indonesians, and only see what goes on in the public.
As a result, we think they are very conservative about sex because this is the only thing that is displayed to us My friends think I'm wrong, but I seem to think that people are a lot more liberal about sex in private. I think pre-marital sex might be a pretty regular occurence at least among those younger than IMO, if you put boys and girls in the same area especially in smaller cities or rural areas where there are not many sources of entertainmentsex is inevitable.
Also, I think while people are very conservative when it comes to dress and sexual behavior in public, once they are in private they can be just as sexually liberal as anyone in more western countries. Do women or men have casual sex? Is oral sex a thing in Indonesia? Is prostitution something that men seek West Indonesia sex chat How much sex do people have before or after marriage, and how is it viewed pleasurable, dutiful, etc? Is infidelity common I've heard of men wanting to get a second wife, much to the chagrin of their first wife.
You mean you have lived here for six months and you still do not know the secret word we use to start a raunchy discussion about sex? Jokes aside, I'm going to answer your questions based on my personal observation on my close friends, somewhat religious middle-class Indonesians living in Jakarta. So please understand that my observation below will be purely anecdotal and might not reflect the situation on other parts of Indonesia, but it can give you a slice of perspective that you are looking for.
On the surface, it seems like no one has pre-marital sex, because it's so frowned upon due to the muslim culture. Dating is West Indonesia sex chat as a chance to test the emotional and psychological compatibility between you and the person that you dated. A friend of mine that openly admitted to us that "I do not want to marry my girlfriend, I'm just frolicking for fun and will dump her when I graduated" was responded with jeers and name-calling by our friends. This depends on what you define as "young age". Among my friends, 25 is considered as a normal age for getting married, which is already years higher than the normal married age among our parents.
I've also heard that once married, missionary is basically the only thing performed. It is somewhat expected that once you got married, kids will naturally come within the first couple of years. Some of my friends postponed their decision until they have better financial stability, and that is somewhat understandable, though it won't protect them from aunties nagging them about having kids during almost every family gathering.
Aside from that, sex is somewhat considered as a pleasurable gift that you obtain after you got married. At least among my friends, sex is also considered as a recreational activity. I think this is correct, although in my experience, the barrier for liberal talks about sex is not only that you need to talk about it in private, but also you need to be already married in order to have such talk forthcoming. I still remember when me and my wife just got back from our honeymoon, one of her friend came along to congratulate us and dropped hints that she should not talk about sex with those who are not married yet.
It is not exactly a taboo, but more like a "ngga enak" feeling for the unmarried.
I hope you know Indonesian enough to get a grasp of what a "ngga enak" feeling is. If what you mean by casual sex is this definitionthen the answer will be absolutely yes, though the prevalence is somewhat lower than in the western countries. Perhaps only one in twenty? The that had premartial sex is most certainly much higher, but most of them did it while West Indonesia sex chat a long-term relationship. This is a common knowledge, but almost all major cities have their own red light district or some street corner where prostitutes do hang out. Prostitutes in Indonesia is an unregulated business, and thus the risk of contracting STDs is much higher because the prostitutes are not obliged to have routine medical check.
I think this reason alone is enough to stop a lot of people from looking out for prostitutes. Before marriage, among my friends that had premarital sex, perhaps once a week? More of course if they live together id: "Kumpul Kebo"but usually they only had the chance for it during the weekend.
After marriage, several times a week perhaps? As I said above, the general perception among my friends is that sex is viewed as a pleasurable gift of married life for both the husband and the wife. Quite common, but it is much more common that the men had an extramarital affair behind his wife's back instead of directly asking her to allow him to have a second wife. I think having multiple wives is still very much frowned upon by the society, Islamic polygamy notwithstanding.
I remember a famous cleric Aa Gym was vehemently criticized when he decided to take a second West Indonesia sex chat and his popularity plummeted afterwards. Great answer! This is exactly the response I was looking for! Although I do wonder how different it is between big cities like Jakarta and the kampungs of West Kalimantan. Besides the obvious socioeconomic differences, West Kalimantan appears to have a very different brand of islam than Java - from the little I have seen, the muslims here tend to be more lax about following certain rituals that the muslims from Java at least the ones I know are very adamant about following You'd think they'd learn a thing or two from all those JAVs.
From my own observation, people are very familiar with premarital sex. But then again, I live in Jakarta. I don't know about other places. Indonesian don't talk openly about sex like in the western world. It's more like 'don't ask dont tell' kind of thing.
In dating circumstances, sex is also a part of it, but the degree differs. Some couple avoid penetrative sex until they are married, some do it. I don't know about the conservatives though Young people definitely do premarital sex. It is also prevalent in my home town despite its deep conservatism. I guess when you don't have a lot to do in your life in terms of education and ambition, sex looks like a good activity.
I live in Jakarta so maybe what i'm going to say is only happens in Jakarta. When it come to casual sex, without relationship or anything that feeling is involved, the middle to upper economic class tends to do it while in the lower class it's not as often as their counterpart. Also, Sex is still a taboo topic in Indonesia, you might find it difficult to talk about it here.
Not sure how liberal According to that article There's a lot of dissonance regarding the topic of sex in general. Bear in mind, the attitudes of Indonesians vary between location, social class, cultural background, etc. I grew up in a sort of westernised expat town, and then moved to the capital city where I end up being with many people from all across the province.
My school was a quite prestigious, rather conservative one that tries to project the image of intelligent, pious students with commendable moral upbringings, and most do try to act like it. But behind the scenes, oh boy, everybody watches and trade their porn like no other, both guys or girls.
They don't necessarily see it as morally wrong, some even think it'll "prepare" them for marriage. But discussion are done very discreetly between friends of the same sex. From where I come from you rarely have guys and girls, even close ones, discussing that type of stuff. But sexual repression is still very, very strong. It's such a hush-hush topic where most of my peers feel uncomfortable talking about with an adult, even their own parents who do actually knows this kind of stuff. Oh and prostitution is definitely a thing.
You can't go through one of those crime news shows they show on lunchtime without having one news of "penggebrekan" of unmarried couples in hotels. It's localised by the police "Aparat Keamanan" I think though not legalised mostly out of convenience so the prostitutes don't have to go to the streets. Also if you've seen the recent news, the whole debacle about Pekan Kondom Nasional kind of reflects how a ificant portion of Indonesians feel about.
A lot of my friends are on the anti side, they're mostly pro-abstinence despite the porn and masturbation habits and all. That's the kind of people I know. The conditioning is really strong. Indonesia is broad, what you may think you see at Kalimantan may be a lot different than in Jakarta. People who live at the rural area may have more kids, but that's after marital sex, since pretty much mostly won't do pre marital one, because it's prohibited either by general and local law, West Indonesia sex chat, and can bring such a great moral shame to then to do pre marital sex.
Welcome to Indonesia, and enjoy your stay :so how fluent is your Bahasa now, and In a little bit curious about what are you doing in Kalimantan my guess is either forestry industry? Apa kabar! I'm working as a volunteer at an orangutan research site in West Kalimantan. My Bahasa is getting pretty good I have to say. It's not too difficult a language, so it's just a matter of constantly working to increase my vocabulary, since the grammar is pretty simple. I'm having a very enjoyable time learning it.
Are you Indonesian, or an expat? According to my friends that are not from the Java island one from Medan and one from Banjarmasinpremartial sex does happen as in Jakarta, although maybe West Indonesia sex chat as often and much more discreetly done. But maybe that's just in the big cities, things might be different on the villages.
According to the very limited conversations I've had with my Javanese friends, premarital sex happens among university students. My guess is that it's not to the extent that it would be in the West and my friends had a hard time quantifying how much it goes on.DI AJAK wik wikkk PACAR TEMEN AWALNYA CURHAT ,endingnya mengejutkan !
However, it does happen, they said, and from what they've said it doesn't seem to be a "omg!! It still doesn't feel very common to me, but I'm an expat too and even having talked about it with my friends it's still hard for me to get a good sense of what's really going on.
I'd love to hear more Indonesians chime in, since I'm really not qualified to speculate too much. Edit: This is also pretty wild speculation, but from what I've heard porn is common and I feel like that would lead to oral sex being a thing. IMO big cities such as Jakarta tends to be very liberal. Yes of course oral sex is a thing, any sex is a thing in here : prostitution? So there is a big demand for it for sure.
Probably same as most asian countries. We only talked about sex in close groups of friends and coworkers, and short time hotels is almost fully booked in weekends. Not sure but I stayed at a hotel in Semarang one time and holy crap there was an awful lot of screamingly loud sex in a nearby room at pm one day.
Sex is rather taboo, but I think pre-marital sex is uncommon among the youths. Most don't want to admit doing it, even to their close friends. But we know we were doing it, we just never talked about it. This is what I gathered from growing up in big cities like Jakarta and Bandung. What surprised me was that even at the age when you'd think libido kicks in the most and even if porn was as available as on every other dude's computer and discussions about sex, masturbation were usual and relaxed even if giggly, the majority of them said they were virgins and I believe them and even the ones that weren't, weren't considering marrying a non-virgin wife.
I've heard a few tales of heavy petting and oral sex but no intercourse, so they'd make sure to stay pure by the Clinton definition of sex : I've heard about this from other guys in muslim countries. Also, I've been told about some guys that did get laid but they were deeply? A always it's hard to generalise from just a few observations and I've also met enough counterexamples. So while there are lots of people with a sexual life close to the approximate 'western' norm there is still a good chunk on which religious teachings change some of the basic life instincts. And that, I think is valid for other communities were religion is going strong, from Indonesia to the American Bible Belt.
On a different note, I heard from a trustworthy source that while pre-marital sex happens less, occurrence of post-marital sex is ificantly higher in Indonesia than in the West Indonesia sex chat. Though I have no other sources to back this up. I am a student in one of the biggest and most reputable university in Indonesia, well i'm just gonna say it's in depok :.
During my time in university, pre-marital sex is just not a taboo anymore to talk about, matter of fact, people gossip about it and used it as an everyday "cigarette break topic". I knew about a handful of couples that practiced pre-marital sex and most of them refer to a place called "Hillside" in southern jakarta as a reference place for those who wants to "do it" in secrecy About the "Hillside" Place for those who interested,google translate recommended. Woa, tulisan menarik.West Indonesia sex chat
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