Added: Romona Urias - Date: 05.10.2021 23:38 - Views: 25032 - Clicks: 7538
In an ideal world, family planning conversations — how many kids you want to have and when — happen before the wedding. But even when couples do tackle that question life barrels on and answers change, especially after a couple has had a baby. Perhaps a pregnancy was difficult.
Maybe the daily grind of parenting is more overwhelming than one parent thought it would be. Space and money might be issues, too. In any case, desires for a larger family shift. Or get more intense. We asked five therapists to weigh in on how to best have the conversation.
Relax and Wait It Out As families typically have one child at a time unless they have twins this is not a pressing issue that needs to be solved right away. There are usually other issues impacting such a decision. If the relationship is not in the best place, there may not be a desire for one spouse to have additional children.
If a particular child is difficult, it may lead one parent not to want to have any more. All of these things can change with time and through working on building a strong relationship.Aurora Wants To Marry Scene - MALEFICENT 2: MISTRESS OF EVIL (2019) Movie Clip
While it is possible that there will always be a dispute regarding whether to have more kids or not, I have seen multiple times where people wound up having more children even though initially one spouse wanted to cap it at a smaller. Was one parent an only child? Do they not feel that it is possible to give multiple children the degree of attention that a singleton receives?
Or conversely, are more children desired so that the first child can have the companionship that siblings provide? Did one parent come from a large lively family and cannot imagine having anything less?
Sometimes the parent who is the primary caregiver feels overwhelmed and overextended by the responsibility and effort involved in parenting. Would the parent who wants to expand the family be able and willing to provide more hands-on help?
Often decisions about whether or not to increase family size involve work and career considerations for both parents. Is there a way for each parent to achieve a desirable degree of focus on both parenting and career if a new child enters the picture?
Finally, if all options are thoroughly explored, and a consensus has not been reached, it may be wise to settle on keeping the family small.Pando Loves Lucy More When She Was a Baby - Kids Stories About Baby - Wolfoo Family Kids Cartoon
After all, it is preferable for both parents to be happy and willing to attend to the child or children that they have than for one partner to be resentful of the other, or even worse toward the children. Erika Doukas, Clinical Psychologist. In Emotion Focused Therapy, people often recognize that their partners wants have deeper meaning. Does one partner want more kids because they feel their biological clock is ticking?
Do they feel pressure from family? Are they having trouble connecting to you already have? Do they not want to have kids because of financial stress, or because they are feeling overwhelmed, wanting some of that freedom they lost back? These are conversations that need to be had. If you can understand why your partner has the position they do and communicate yours you far more likely to come to an understanding. That will lead to resentment and negative outcomes to the family overall. There are basically two ways of making decisions, and one of them would be to rely upon logic.
Examine the practical resources of time, financial resources, and the way that having more children might affect the other children in the family. You have to really assess all of those things in order to come to a logical Two wants 1 more. Sometimes, the decision to have more kids can come from emotion and the great meaning that having more children has for the family. The most important thing that couples or d can do whenever they are faced with this, is to have a series of deep and meaningful conversations with their partner. Of course, there are going to be instances where you might change your version of what your dream family would look like after you have and realize what that means for you.
If a decision is not going to be reached, someone is going to have to give up on something if they are going to remain in this relationship. Someone is going to experience a loss. It requires a lot of communication to work through this issue, and can be revisited at several points throughout the marriage, or over the course of childbearing years.
People evolve and change as they develop and navigate different life stages. Couples should be sensitive to when and where they are talking about it.
Giving space and room for each partner to be able to express themselves in the conversation is validating. Show understanding of where that partner is coming from. This could require a grieving process of the fantasy of what one parent had hoped for.
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Dear Therapist: My Husband Doesn’t Want Another Kid, so I’m Considering Divorce