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Having an orgasm is natural. So is skipping, for instance. Someone presumably taught you how to coordinate your body, and soon you were doing it on your own, any time you felt like it.

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The same is generally true for orgasms. The process of becoming aroused and having an orgasm is a two-part process: turning on "the ons" and turning off "the offs. With that in mind, here are ten reasons why women can struggle with the orgasm and suggestions for how to remedy that struggle. Just like learning to skip, it comes more easily to some people than others, it takes persistence to learn, and nobody ever really has to. But it sure is a fun game, and everybody deserves a chance to try it.

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Here's our guide on how to make a woman orgasm. There probably are women who never orgasm ever in their whole lives. But in my experience, any woman interested enough in sex to want to have an orgasm almost certainly can, given the right context — i. Maybe they enjoy the pleasure of arousal all on its own, without the goal of orgasm. And you know what? Yes, there's such a thing as a bad orgasm. It still surprises me how many women believe orgasm should just happen, more or less without effort, just through clitoral stimulation.

Even the clitoris needs a sexy context; without being turned on, stimulation of the clitoris will just feel weird or even painful. That said Women worry about not having orgasms during intercourseespecially. But actually less than a third of women are reliably orgasmic from penetration alone. The reason? It can take anywhere from a few minutes to most of an hour to have an orgasm 20 minutes is typical, longer is totally normal.

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Orgasms are like childbirth: they take as long as they take, and each one is different. This also includes potential unwanted consequences that come with a partner, such as risk of STI transmission or unwanted pregnancy.

When sex has been used as a weapon against a woman, her brain learns that sexy things things that activate the accelerator can also be threats, things that hit the brakes. Given that a conservative estimate is that one in five women has experienced sexual violence, this applies to a whole lot of women.

Healing from trauma takes patience, self-compassion, and opportunities to experience sexual pleasure in contexts where you feel safe inside your own body. Start on your own, figuring out what you want and what your body needs.

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Once you learn to feel pleasure while you feel safe in your body, you can then add a partner if you like. This is bullshit. It takes time and practice to replace those self-critical thoughts with affection for your body, but the benefits extend far beyond having more and better orgasms.

Here's how to start to love your bodyeven when it's hard. Oh, the irony. Perhaps the most common difficulty faced by women who struggle with orgasm is the tendency to worry about orgasm, even as their arousal increases. The more aroused they get, the closer they get to orgasm, the more they worry. Am I sure I like how this feels? The solution is to notice those thoughts, let them go for now, and shift your attention, gently and neutrally, to the sensations in your body. Orgasm happens when we surrender our bodies to sexual arousal — and the best orgasms happen when we surrender in a context of trust, affection, permission, and acceptance of all the things our bodies are and do.

Once you learn how, your body never forgets. And everybody deserves a life so full of joy that they can do it when they want to. Want your passion for wellness to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enroll today to our upcoming live office hours. Our FREE doctor-approved gut health guide. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome in your inbox! Main. Log in Profile.

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Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Explore Classes. Emily Nagoski, Ph. April 8, They believe they're just not a woman who has orgasms. More On This Topic Love. Stephanie Barnes. Sarah Regan. With Simone De La Rue. Jamie Schneider. Functional Food. Integrative Health. Latest Articles Integrative Health. Lindsay Boyers. Alexandra Engler. Isabel Smith, R. Women's Health. Anna Cabeca, D.

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